A very profound and true quote that I really love is “if you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them” and I need to remind myself of this frequently. Recently a challenge arose at work where I was really required to step out of my comfort zone. I got really angry about it as I didn’t really have a choice in the situation so I kept telling myself how nervous I was and how stressful it was going to be. However when it came down the the fact I actually had a great time and learned a lot.

Having a physical, hmmm, disability (I’m loathe to call it a disability, but truly, that’s what it is) is mostly frustrating. There are many times where I’d like to be able to do everyday things that so many people take for granted, small things, mindless things, but I just can’t. Usually this isn’t much of an issue but there are definitely times when it can get me down. It was definitely harder as a kid, and kids can be so cruel and being left out was painful. When you are a kid all you want to do is fit in.

As a child I was completely riddled with fears and phobias. As I moved into my teens the fear of death was probably the most prevalent. I could quite literally bring myself to tears by over-thinking it. The finality of no longer existing on the planet! Other day to day fears were things like being afraid of the dark and talking on the telephone. I would get so nervous if my library books were due to expire and I was forced to ring in to renew then. What if I said the wrong thing when talking to an adult!

Oh 100words. What strife you can some days seem! Forcing me to crank the wheel and express the creative juice from my cranium. Some days the fruit is ripe, and other days desiccated in a drought of inspiration. As the month draws on and I have one week to go, I wonder, will I make it to the end without resorting mindless babble for days on end? I pray I can make it through. How do people do this for consecutive months and years‽ That surely feels like a small miracle? I have learned, I don’t like writing fiction much.

I said I don’t like flowers. I said they just died and are a waste of money. I said I wasn’t the jealous type, and that I didn’t mind if you checked out other women, as long as you stayed true to me. I said I didn’t mind if you were a smoker, and I didn’t mind you not calling me in the evenings; I’m not codependent and needy. I even said I’d never ask you if an item of clothing made my bum look big. I suppose I didn’t know myself as well as I thought. Thankfully, you did.

The sad fact of the human condition is that we seem preprogrammed for violence. Human history has shown that we are our own worst enemy and even through our creative endeavours in film and literature our violence shows through. We fear aliens will come and invade our planet, unable to co-exist because that is exactly what humans are like. We cannot conceive that foreign species might be friendly or have a culture based on sharing. Even thinking of aliens creates the categories of “us” versus “them”. We cannot understand the universe without predetermined boxes to fit brings into. We’re sick.

I’m often disturbed by my own lack of compassion, yet other times I can be surprised by my capacity to love. The trick is in practicing mindfulness. Being aware of the negative thoughts, acknowledging them, forgiving yourself and letting it go. Being gentle with yourself and not being too critical of your own human condition. This affliction we have as humans to be angry and vengeful, hurtful and spiteful. We will always carry this burden but we do not always have to be our own victims of it. We can forgive ourselves and learn to follow a more enlightened path.

Spinning around until we are dizzy and then falling over on to the grass laughing until we can hardly breathe. The beauty and innocence of youth shining through our smiles, highlighted by the missing baby teeth. Excitement because the tooth fairy is sure to visit tonight, leaving a token of money in place of our dental offering. What will we buy with our rewards? Bubblegum, popcorn, toffee or choc dip? Maybe all four. A true delight for a young child! Delights that seem to last forever, just like the summer holidays. Running through the spray of a garden hose.

Free from worry, free from pain, free from life, never again
To feel the soft touch of a child, or know the heat within the fire
Your heart’s desire removed and gone, buried with the firing of a gun
Those dreams you had to change the world are now fulfilled, but not to your word
Destiny took you on a different path.
Did you want to be famous? Because now you are
The evil and madness takes its toll, but time will prove you’re not really gone
Your name will stay amongst the stars, remembering forever who you are.

The howling wind finds its way through the tiniest of gaps in the brickwork, moving the dusty curtain ever so slightly. At the end of the long passage a pair of green eyes pause to take in the movement then quickly hurry away to slink back into the shadows. In the corner of the dark parlour a lone candle suddenly flickers to light; ignited by some unseen force or magic, it casts a faint light on a figure sitting on the winged armchair. The figures broad shoulders move slightly with his breath when suddenly the door slams with a BANG!